Wednesday, November 02, 2005


It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you go trick or treating and acquire a large amount of candy, and if you have a little brother, who also went trick or treating but either a) acquired considerably less candy than you and/or, b) ate most of his candy the morning after Halloween, you will inevitably have some of your candy stolen by aforementioned little brother.

Also, if you claim to have more candy stolen than was actually taken you could end up, after re-distribution, with more candy than you had before, but only if your mother feels sorry for you, and only if your brother is not smart enough to point out to your mother that you are just CLAIMING to have more stolen from you than was actually taken, in an attempt to garner more sympathy and more candy.

And if your house is in dire need of vacuuming and the kitchen table is cluttered with groceries that have been unloaded from the car but not yet properly put away, your mother may be less amused by the situation than she might be otherwise, but if she acknowledges the inevitably of the crime (only to herself, of course, and her devoted readers - to acknowledge it to you and your brother would invite unending rage and a more prolonged ending to the tears that both you and your brother have called upon, you to express your moral outrage at having the candy taken from you that you worked so hard to acquire, coming in from trick or treating to eat a piece of pizza, and then returning out into the cold night to trick or treat some MORE, your devotion to candy being yes, that profound, yes, that entire, and your brother to express equal outrage at being accused of taking much much more than was actually taken, because he only took "like one bag of M&M's") it might provide her with some amusement, two days after Halloween, on a Wednesday that feels very much like it should be a Friday.

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